I was sitting there and ranting to one of my friends, frustrated and heaving with upset, telling him everything that had ever happened between me and my “friends”. And he gently stopped me in the middle of my angry spew, and it brought me to an utter halt. He hushed my incensed rant for a pause, and then said, “Why are you still friends with them? Why haven’t you ended things already? I think they’ve fucked things up enough.” This, coming from an ‘outsider’. I knew that already, of course, I just didn’t want to admit it to myself. I knew it was true, and some part of me has wanted to desperately do just that for ages. But I’ve been on the brink of collapse for years, struggling with off and on depression and always keeping up the facade of ‘I’m okay’ when inside I’m really not. When I have nothing to distract myself with, I spiral off into the deep-end. Late at night when I can’t sleep, when I’m bored in the shower, watching Netflix alone by myself. It comes back with a vengeance. I knew that this would just heap more onto my plate of stress. I was never afraid of it. I don’t need their shit.
They’re the worst kind of friends you could ever ask for. I know that. He made me realize what I was stashing away in the back of my mind, telling me that the best thing to do would be to sever the cord. And when I could have confronted that, I just ran away from the subject instead. Not because I’m a coward, but because there was too much stress on my mind.
I should have just let her keep them. They don’t deserve me, not one bit, not at all. Not ever.
No, this is NOT okay. It is highly inappropriate and wrong of you. You are violating my boundaries and trust - which is safe to say I have absolutely none of because of everything you put me through - you are barging in on my only safe haven from you. You are overstepping your welcome and I can only even barely tolerate seeing you on most days. This is getting out of hand and it needs to stop.